I'm a man. Yes, I know I have been talking about how happily married I am to the "hotband"...and yes, I AM happily married. However, I am not CP. I am CP's husband. I have been writing this blog since December. Finally, after making so many friends, I had to come clean. Speaking of clean...Mr. Fab? He's the guy on the bottle. I wasn't supposed to say that. He's trying to change his image. Billy? I profess my undying gay love for you. CP may not have a thing for pirates, but I sure do. Ever since that "going commando" photo of you, I've been a changed man. KB? I only *ting*'d you, because I yearn for a blonde babe in my unfulfilled life. To tell you the truth, the pictures of CP that you saw were actually my sister. Her name is BerthaLynne. She's hot. We're from the south, so I sleep with her on occasion. Truth be known, I tend to masturbate to the logo on Beauty and the Beer, til the bitch threatened to shank me. Then, I switched to Divine's Jessica Rabbit logo. I haven't been the same since she got rid of it. Though, she switched it over to cookies, so that's not too bad either. Another confession? Angry Black Bitch is not only NOT a bitch, she's not even black. Don't let her fool you. She's a white republican. I am sorry I have to out her like this, but since I am coming clean, it seems the right thing to do. Oh, and Deb? Yeah. She's a straight democrat. The whole lesbian thing was a ruse, a cover-up to protect Bill Clinton for having to confess his affair with her. I know this is really confusing for all of you. Mike is a female impersonator. He also used to understudy for Magnum PI a long time ago. Something about his moustache. Used Hack is actually Peter Jennings. That whole lung cancer thing was just a cover-up. Mr. Jennings is alive and well and when the audio blog thing fell flat, he opted to go back to blogging the right way. It's good to have you back, Pete. Speaking of going south, Pissy? Yeah. She's actually Mary Poppins. She just developed a bad crack habit back in England, hanging out with those Chimney Sweeps. Spoon full of sugar helped the medicine go down...and it helped Pissy go down too. How do you think she got that great skin? Lily is mine and CP's illegitimate daughter. Jerry is Lily's sister. Actually, Jerry doesn't exist. Jenjur is the real deal. I wasn't supposed to say that either, but the need to confess overrides my want of Jenjur flesh. I admit to being scared as I write this. And, since I am disclosing secrets, the Cranky Professor ran off with our resident Love Goddess, Annie. It seems that their PhD's were too hard to deny any longer. The use Cranky's red pen of death as their love toy. I don't worry about Annie though. She can hold her own. She is too smart for love, you know.
And don't be fooled. The next time you see Last Girl on Earth performing on her violin, it is actually a slimmed down Charlie Daniels. It was the only way he could revamp his career. Damn, she looks good. Fiery little redhaired freak. If the Devil ever goes down to Georgia again, let me know...and I'll meet ya there.
This post brought to you by a few things:
1) The month of April.
2) The day of Fools.
3) The lack of creativity.