How about a Bowl Full of Jerrys? In the ongoing saga of "Where Is CP, REALLY?" I bring you Jerry. Jerry is here against his will. I grossly belittled him, chastised his manhood and contested his ability to sustain a hard-on until he reluctantly agreed to guest post for me today. Quite frankly, I regret asking him. His post was more work to set up than my own would have been to write. *snort* But, in true Jerry fashion, he will scare and horrify you as he has done for me over the past four months. He's a scary man. Even the Easter Bunny skipped his house in fear of becoming Hasenfeffer. So, enjoy Jerry. Most do. Some don't. Those who don't aren't around to speak of it any longer. Hopefully, I will see you back on Monday, if the little Vicodin men don't come and take me away to HappyHell first.
Peace out, bitches.
me: "Hello everyone, my name is Jerry and I'm a non-believer!"
believers: "Burn in hell for all eternity Jerry!"
me: "Well, I've been kindly guilted into being a guest blogger for our good friend CP. If anyone reading this blog right now has ever read mine then you to would be shaking your head wondering what in world was CP thinking. I suppose it was fairly safe having me sit in on Sunday since no one hardly ever reads blogs on the weekend. There's even the possibility she is counting on less people reading her blog today because it's Easter Sunday. Most of her readers are most likely to be in church and later at family gatherings, getting their pictures taken in their best Easter clothes. Then a nice fun-filled Easter Egg hunt for the kids....while the adults stand around in suits and Spring dresses making small talk about their lives.
A nice serene scene indeed......
uh...what do you say we get this show on the road ?
As I eluded to in my opening I'm a NON-Believer. I guess you could call me an atheist if you wanted to....I like to refer to myself as an 'Happy Agnostic' meaning never being exposed to any sort of religious teachings while growing up I've been left alone to believe or not to believe."
believers: "Believe or not to believe in what? Pagan Devil."
me: Well, I suppose mostly I don't believe in organized religions and the way they are run in this country and around the world. I don't see why people are made to feel guilty about things in their lives....about doing things in their lives and even going so far as to think about certain doing things and never even do those things and still you are punished by the Church. How many Hail Mary's does it cost you for accidentally seeing up and old woman's dress at a bus stop? (or is that just punishment enough?)
believers: "So Satanic Son of all Dark and Evil Things you think you know more than all the history and Religious Scholars, Preachers, Rabbis, Ministers, Priests, Pastors and TV Evangelists like Pat Robertson and Paul and Jan Crouch of the Trinity Broadcasting Network?"
me: No, I don't claim to know more, if fact I claim to know less and in doing so feel pretty good about things in general. Sure I don't like the way things happen here on this planet. Far to much death and destruction and yet in anytime in the history of man there has been this kind of turmoil. So wtf....don't ask me for the answers.
believers: "Screw him he's got nothin', what do you say we meet at Denny's? We can all argue about bible passages over a Grand Slam Combo."
Now for the Comedy portion of today's Post. (I warned you CP)
Since today is Easter and one of the things associated with Easter besides White Sales is Jesus. Now Jesus is very important to many people and so making fun of Jesus wouldn't be a nice or easy thing to do....but.....
Like the legendary Tina Turner used to say..."You see we never ever do nothing Nice and easy, We always do it nice and rough" So let's get this party started.
There is so much we don't know about human history and how we all came to live on this rock hurtling through space. One thing I'm sure of, Jesus loved Dinosaurs. Who doesn't?
I don't care what anyone says this painting will always be the way I see Jesus, a lovely Hippie.
One of the complaints I've always had is how certain religious sects Hi-Jack Jesus and somehow make him theirs exclusively: like the "Born-Agains" and the Republicans.
Don't get me started on the Merchandising of Jesus!!! I could have just had a post about that. Here is a nice concept. You can fill your house with the fragrance of "His Essence"!! Do you have a clue what people smelled like back then...before Irish Spring Soap?
I'm not going to say there hasn't been some creativity put into some very practical Jesus themed ideas...like this Jesus LazyBoy prototype model.
Well you can imagine that over the course of this pagans life I've been accused of worshipping false idols like this one.
Rumors within my circle of friends and acquaintences even have me bowing to the Gods of...dare I say it... TECHNOLOGY!!!!!
All in all folks I'd like to say can't we all just get along? I mean please, we are all in this together and it's no secret that more lives have be lost in the name of religion than anything else.
Jesus was most likely a fairly cool dude to hang with...most of the time. C'mon let Jesus buy the next round...we'll have a round of waters please. OK Jeezy, do your stuff...how about a Merlot this time?
NO! NOT ZIMA AGAIN...Jesus.
As for me I will be spending my Easter with the Easter Bunny. She's told me that she hid her eggs and I have to find them...mmmmmm.
and so I might be wrong and I might get a First Class Ticket to Hell but I know that I'll be in good company there. Jeez, just to see those TV Preachers burn in hell is worth the admission.