There's something incredible about having a blog. Sure, it's a simple gesture. It always starts that way. You write. It's that easy. You can share your emotions with an anonymous world. Suddenly, a person appears. They comment. And then, another. And another. Before you know it, you are surrounded by a gaggle of loving, like-minded human beings who are supportive, helpful and interesting.
And your blog is no longer about you, but rather, about them.
Everytime I write a post, I am thinking of all of you. What would make DD laugh? What would make Laurie wet herself? What would make Deb write me an email response telling me how much she loves me? Will Last Girl relate to this? Will Annie enjoy this and use it in her column? Can I lure KB out of hiding with this one?
Some would call this "pandering". Some would accuse me of acquiescing to a fan base instead of being true to myself. Actually, some HAVE accused me of these things. I only write to entertain the masses. "I liked your blog better back in December," they would say.
And I, in turn, would hurt. I would hurt, because I am a person who loves to please others more than I love to please myself.
If I know I am making one person laugh, one person think, one person reconsider a situation or make one person out there feel a little less alone...then my blogpost is worthwhile.
I never started this blog with the intention of having "friends" come of it, and yet, they have. There are people who read my blog who I legitmately love. I don't dole out that word lightly. But these people who I feel that love for have changed my life in one form or another. Either by something I read of theirs, or by a comment they made with regard to something of mine. I have found stoic, stand-up people in this forum. People who, if they lived locally, I would be a royal pain in their ass. People who I relate to and they to me. The thing that separates us from a great friendship are the miles between us. I don't like to succumb to the barriers that bind people from discovering the joys of others.
The lines between those in my "real" life and my online life have become indistinguishable. You ARE all a part of my real life. I discuss you with my husband no differently than I would the people I work with. When one of you writes a post that I feel is of value, I pull my husband over and say "Look what my friend said! Isn't he/she brilliant/funny/thoughtful/etc."
I believe that a long time ago, there was a stigma with online friendships and the people who just didn't GET it. I have been online, running and contributing to various forums since 1995. I have met friends online who have stayed in my home and I in theirs. We have exchanged wedding presents, baby gifts and tears over divorces, deaths and disease. I love these people. Each and every one of them.
I climbed out of a trainwreck of a relationship back in 1991. I made a lot of mistakes. But, I have no regrets. I have learned a lot of lessons in my 40 years on this planet. I have had my share of struggles and adversity, yet I still believe in the power of laughter and love. I embrace the people I meet, online and off, as the divine creatures God intended us all to be.
I used to be a very bad person. I was struck down by the mighty wrath of karma more times than I care to admit. Nothing I have gone through was undeserved in one form or another. The pain I have caused others in my lifetime came back to me tenfold and I accept that. With that in mind, I have made it my mission in life to spend as much time as I can in the throes of laughter. It heals. It's powerful. It bonds people. It inspires.
Who in this world couldn't stand a little inspiration now and then in a world that is so uncertain?
So please, those of you who accuse me of cowtowing to an audience, please understand where it comes from. It is a part of who I am...a woman who loves and lives to make other people laugh, think and feel.
When I write, I am still true to myself while being true to all of you. It is important to me to walk in the truth after a lifetime of lies and deception. My emotions run no differently than anyone elses. I laugh. I cry. I ache. I dream. All of this is in the context of every word I write. Every word, well thought out before hitting "publish". I don't re-read my posts. I don't review them. I don't make corrections to them. I don't revise them. I want everything that I say to come directly from the heart to the fingertips so that every minute of every day, whoever is reading my blog is getting the best of me.
But, more importantly? I am assured that I am GIVING the best of me.
Isn't that all any of us can ever hope to do?
EDIT: Speaking of friends, I got a package today from one! I won Laurie's contest about the phobias that people have. She sent me this adorable T-shirt that says "Skwurl". For those of you who aren't in the know, "Skwurl" is what DD and I call Laurie when she's off on a tangent. As in "Skwurl, Please!" It also stands for the Secret Squirrel pics we all take on our cellphones of unsuspecting dumbasses.
Anyway, here's of my baby Tee! AS you can see, Laurie thinks I am a tiny little chick like she is and didn't account for the "girls" being a freakishly large size "F". My Skwurl looks more like a stretched out lemur. Maybe a dachshund. Regardless, it makes my titties look great and it made my hotband get "sprung". I took this pic myself, so disregard the funky angle.
Thank you, Laurie!!! Skwurl Gurl! I love it...and YOU!!!
Warning: Do not click on the pic to enlarge. You will lose an eye.