This is complete BULLSHIT!!!!!/UPDATED! 12/31/06

I have had it.

I am up to HERE (picture me pointing my little magic wand at my skull) with the fighting going on between Avitable and Mr. Fabulous. I inadvertantly mentioned that Avitable was my new "blog crush" a few posts back. Well, Mr. Fab got completely huffy about it, as he tends to be a bit blustery and was insulted that I had dumped him for Avitable. Well, I had realized that Mr. Fab was shacking up with a certain Dutch Bitch and frankly, fuckers...I don't play second fiddle to ANYONE...even if she does wear patent leather thigh high boots.

Then, in the last post about my husband blowing me if I grew a penis (y'all can scroll down a post for that one. Don't be so friggin' lazy) the two of them started with their huge testosterone laden bullshit about who would blow me better, if I suddenly grew a penis. One said he would do it with a pearl necklace on. The other offered to do it while wearing a strap on. I won't tell you who said what. You can read THAT gossip in the comments.

But, I think I have narrowed it down to this. The best man for me is the one who is most secure in his manhood, so, should I ever DO grow a penis...I will know who is the best man for the (blow) job.

With that in mind, I have decided that Mr. Fab and Avitable should have a dance off for my transgender affections.

Here are the results.

Now, I ask you...who is the best man for the job?

Your input is appreciated...deeply. Pun intended.

MAKE IT FAIR EDIT: It seems that everyone is in love with Avi's outfit. Fab is at a disadvantage, not being in skin tight spandex. I agree. So, to make things fair, I have created another video in which Avitable is now the woman, and Fab is the cock packer. Show them both love based on their dance abilities, not the outfits...or whose schlong you can see better! This is a dance off, not America's Next Top Model! Do I LOOK like Tyra Banks to you????

My Bitches: Part Deux

Lawd, people! This is my FUTURE you are messing with here!

9AM HAVING WET DREAMS EDIT: I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed (salad), I turned (tricks) and paced...(um, I can't think of something funny for that one) over this dilemma. Mr. Fab is a happily married man. So is Avitable. Fab did betray me with Dutch Bitch, but that would be such a sexy sandwich, and I hear you can get away with that shit in Dutchyland. But Avitable, oh so caveman like Avitable. Undoubtably he grunts, slams his chest with his fist and comes into the boudoir on a swinging vine sans loincloth. And, he has never betrayed me, unlike some other bald whore I know.

Just when I think I have finally come to a decision, I awaken this morning, filled with joy over my newfound perspective...only to find this challenge on the table, from Mr. Fab to Avitable!

If you want a fair fight, a REAL test of our dancing abilities, I am issuing you a challenge. A CHALLENGE!

A REAL dance contest.

You and me baby. We each record a dancing video, upload it to YouTube, and let CP put them on her site so people can vote.

What do you say, my friend? Are you man enough to strap on your dancing shoes and show the world your love for CP through the art of the dance?

Holy Mother of Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick. WTF????

Has Venus collided with Mars? Are we in the age of Aquarius? What is this? Does Avitable dare to take Mr. Fab, blogwhore supreme, up on this challenge?

God, I hope so. I await his answer with baited breath (yes, I know it's "bated", but I just ate some whitefish this morning, so I am thinking "baited" is more apropos.) Y'all should know better than to fuck with my stunning verbosity.

So Avi? What do you say????

Egads. The mere thought of this hardens my not yet existant penis.

THE 2PM SO FULL OF MYSELF EDIT: Well, Avi has taken the challenge. I knew he would. He's cool like that. The rule is...no rules. Make your videos, Boys! I will pimp for both of you! I am wondering, should I post a pic and remind you both what you are fighting for? Or, perhaps I need to make my own video?

Dancin' With Myself

Quite frankly, I think both of me look hotter than both of them...but hey, that's just me. And be honest, does anyone else REALLY matter?


THE FOUR O'CLOCK FULL FRONTAL UPDATE: Please. Delve into the comments. Avitable and Fabulous just opted to have the videos done by Tuesday and that they will be published here. And...they both agreed on Full Frontal Nudity!

I feel a Bloggers Gone Wild in Florida road trip is gonna be on the horizon!

THE NEW YEARS EVE EVENT EDIT:If you have been reading the comments, and who hasn't at this point, you now know that there is a Dance Off taking place, LIVE from the homes of Mr. Fabulous, Blogwhore Extraordinaire versus the younger, yet equally verbose underdog,Avitable. This is like the Ivan Drago of the Blogworld going up against our scrappy little Rocky Balboa, People!
Or maybe, it's more like Old School Diva Divine against The Younger and Feistier Harvey Fierstein (as Edna Turnblad). These two will be pulling out all the stops and, dare I say out, all the cocks! *giggle giggle* That's right! Full Frontal Nudity is included! Dare I ask if either of these two diva's have the BALLS to take it there? Oh fans of the Feist Fluffy Dance Off, stay tuned! Tuesday, both videos will be broadcast here, LIVE! The Fight for the Rights of CP's penis is ON, Peeps! Make sure to show them BOTH your love, because this is going to get Hawt, hawt, HAWT!

And we have a delicious surprise for the wiener, oopsie, I mean...winner!

So, have a Faboo or Avitable New Year, Everyone! Sober up for Super Tuesday!

In the meantime, I leave you with this:



Toodles!