First of all, let me start by saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my beautiful boy, Nicholas. He turns 12 years old today, my little Halloweenie. I have a post about him for tomorrow. Right now, I think I will post this little piece of delight from Esther.
A very close friend of the family recently lost her husband. It was an expected death after a long, drawn out illness. Deena is my mothers closest friend and has always had a great love for me and my children as well. She has been very good to us over the years. When word came about that her husband had passed, I immediately jumped online to send flowers. Deena and I share a mutual love for lillies, so I sent her a peace lily in a Lenox vase. It would be something she can keep long after the roses she received had wilted and withered away.
Enclosed was a card that read:
"There is nothing that can be said during this trying time. Words will never be enough to sustain us through our grief. I pray that you find strength from God to deliver you peace. May God's love find you and help you through this. I wish for Bill Godspeed to the Kingdom of Heaven
With undying love and sincere sympathy,
CP, Hotband, Nick and Samantha."
I am very mindful that Deena is not necessarily a religious woman but rather, a woman of faith. I share those beliefs with her. I strongly believe in the presence of God in my life, though being Jewish, we do not believe in Heaven. Still, in Deena's religion of catholicism, Heaven does exist.
Apparently, at some point, Esther saw this card from me and felt the need to immediately pick up the phone.
"Since when are you a Jesus freak?"
"Excuse me," I say. "What are you talking about? And, by the way...HELLO would be nice."
"Whatever, hello, okay? Now what is with all this God and Jesus and Lord Almighty that you ran on and on about in Deena's card?"
"Is that what this is about?"
"Yeeeeeeeeeeees, that is the reason I called. To find out when you got all Hare Krishna on us."
"Are you nuts?"
"Are you," she replies.
"First of all," I counter, "where in that card did I mention Jesus? I never said a word about Jesus Christ. And so what if I had? What's the big deal? He is a part of her religion. It is who she would turn to in a time of need. Why does that reflect on me?"
"And what is this Holy Kingdom stuff?"
"Mom, just because we don't believe in Heaven doesn't mean that I can't bring the notion of it up to someone who does."
"So you haven't converted or something?"
"Woman," I say, "are you insane? If I talk about the color green, does it mean I am a green person? What the hell are you saying?"
"I just thought you were shirking your duties as a Jewish woman."
"My duties as a Jewish woman? What might those be?"
"You know, Temple...rye bread and shopping."
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
34 comments:
Hilarious!
I was going to give you a brief theological whatever to share with your mom about the concept of the “Kingdom of God” not being exclusively Christian, but also found in Judaism and Islam. But, then I thought, considering the dialogues with her that you’ve posted, why bother.
Nick - You've seen the conversations with Esther before. Makes no sense to go there with her. She is so funny without meaning to be though. Gotta love her for that.
CP
OH, MY.....
... or, maybe, rather,
"Oy, Vey!"
nice post, Princess!
sad, but funny, too... sorry your friend lost her husband... but, at least you find a morsel in there to laugh about... which is, of course, life itself; and it can be so dreadful and dreary if we don't maintain a sense of humor.
that's especially true if you can laugh at yourself or your belief systems. yup. I know that once I take myself too seriously, things all start to go wrong.
indeed, have a fine holiday!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!
yup.
"trickortreat"
B-)
--------------------
DC - Don't bullshit me, buddy! I read your blog. I KNOW you don't take ANYTHING too seriously. (plug plug plug) Your blog brings delight into my world...truly. It reminds me that someone is more fucked up than I am!
Happy Halloweenie to you too!!!
CP.
Oh, my, Esther never disappoints.
Shopping.
Oy gevolt.
I'm sorry about the loss of your friend, Bill.
heart - Have to be honest, I didn't know Bill very well...but I appreciate your sympathies just the same. Yes, shopping. The duty of all Jewish women.
Being a brand new CP fan, I am just now getting to see just how well you write & why you are more than a princess but the gosh-darned QUEEN of Blogdom (well, you WOULD be Queen if you weren't so youthful & princess-like!;-)
What a credit to your powers that in the midst of such a potentially serious post, you can still make your fans smile! This is going to sound WAY GAY, I know, but it kinda reminds me of that line from Steel Magnolias: "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
I have to tell you, too, that when you wrote, "I am very mindful that Deena is not necessarily a religious woman but rather, a woman of faith," I SO understood what you meant! Since I am a recovering Southern Baptist trying to come to terms with the mindfuck (can I say mindfuck here??? God, I hope so--if not, I'm sure they'll bleep it out in editing) those deeply, deeply religious people put me through because of my "abomination," I have come to the conclusion that I am DONE, DONE, DONE with Religion.
Religion involves too much praying out loud specifically so you can be seen praying, in hopes that you can fill up your never-full-enough coffers (hey, the position of Mouthpiece of The Divine doesn't really pay very well. Pat Robertson's gotta eat, doesn't he?!?!).
Religion also gives all the "right" people some contrived excuse to call out & pass judgment on the "wrong" people.
That is NOT to say, however, that I have lost my faith! For me, faith is a deeply personal thing, and while "THEY" can take everything away from me that they imagine their Religion "gave" me, they can never take my faith from me. It's locked deep inside where "THEY" can touch it. It's taken me a while to finally understand, but if faith is real, then it is just not subject to revocation by any human. Not sure how much sense this will make, but I believe that if faith is lost, it is given up--not taken.
So, while Mainstream Christian Religion, as it is currently practiced in the US today, may very well be done with me because I refuse to "repent my sin," you know what? I'm done with them, too, and my life is so much richer & much more blessed since I gave up on trying to make myself acceptable to them, and trying to be "one of them".
So, yeah, the whole being a religious person vs. being a person of faith? I totally get it. I think a lot of people do. Two different animals altogether.
Just remember kiddies: Religion kills.
Oooops, Boo-Boo Alert:
It's locked deep inside where "THEY" can touch it.
=
It's locked deep inside where "THEY" can't touch it.
As we OBVIOUSLY need to keep some semblance of decorum on this most holy site, I hope that there will be no "touching" jokes (or at least, if there are, that they meet the CP's obvious stellar standards).
;-)
Loves some Estherisms. They are funny. I love how she said you went Hare Krishna. WTF does that have to do with us Catholics?
Clarence - I have to send you over to my girlfriend Deb's blog. (She's in my sidebar, Deb goes on and on). She is a devout Christian who is also a lesbian and deals with this bullshit every single day of her life. She is the most amazing writer and she will lift you up completely. She manages to be funny while still doing the Lord's work, so to speak. Met her in person and she is an absolute Goddess. Plus, she reminds me of Fran Drescher which is a huge plus to this Jew girl. Love that you are here now! Love love love!~
And you can say mindfuck all you want. Luscious!
CP.
saint - Please. Do you really think she has a clue that one has nothing to do with the other? This is ESTHER, darling and she knows not what she says. I'm just grateful no one holds her against me!
CP.
Well now, see, I got screwed. I didn't get to have Christmas, or Shopping either.
My mother, who was born with a silver cross in her back, believed that martyrdom was the duty of Jewish women, especially daughters who as everyone knows, are supposed to be frickin' princesses.
I have been to Heaven. I have seen it. I have experienced it.
It was when I was singing karaoke with you.
Heaven.
As long as she has HER priorities straight....
Sorry about your loss...
I think you need to definitely send your mother a Christmas card this year. One with Jesus on it.
Fab - Lady Marmalade will never be the same.
MP - Gotta love Esther.
Avi - I think that is an awesome idea. Consider it done!
CP.
Rye bread? Where the hell did that come from?
Wait. Jewish people don't believe in Heaven??
I'm confused.
What DO you believe about the afterlife?
(no, seriously, totally confused and thinking I did not know as much about Judaism as I thought...)
Rye bread, I can see giving up....but shopping????
Neva!
Loved this one!
Limpy - When even you don't have a wiseass comment to make, that cracks me up. I don't know where she got rye bread from. Jew thing?
Britt - There is a kingdom of God, but we believe, supposedly, that we are eternally reincarnated into other Jews. In the orthodox religion, the do believe in a "heaven" but it is not called heaven. It is called Olam Hada or Gan Eden (Garden of Eden). Just like we do not believe in hell, but rather a place called "Gehinnom" or "She'ol." You have a time to be there, 12 months precisely, and then, you are reincarnated. Heaven or Hell is not eternal as it is in Christian or Catholic religions. Some Jewish sources are of the opinion that your time in Gehinnom can be shortened if living friends and relatives pray for you and do good works on your behalf.
Deb - I would have understood better had she said "bagels".
No fucking way.
Jewish people believe in eternal reincarnation??
How the hell can that be and I have NEVER heard that before?!?!
I think I have to turn in my "bitch who knows shit" card forever now.
P.S. this new knowledge totally puts Catholic guilt above Jewish guilt.
Officially.
Love,
The Bitch Who Used To Think She Knew Stuff
Britt - No doubt that Catholics suffer from a worse guilt affliction. I never doubted that. That's why we only have one day a year to repent by fasting for 24 hours. Y'all have to do it weekly. What does that say for you sinners??? *mwah* Jewish guilt is based on mothers, not God. Completely different authority.
CP.
Catholic guilt comes from:
God
Mother of God
and Catholic Mothers
Fuck. It's no wonder we drink so heavily!!!
Britt - There isn't much difference between Jew mothers and Catholic mothers. Only, one cooks...the other doesn't.
Chinese anyone?
CP
The more I read of the dialogue in these comments, the more hilarious it becomes. So, I may as well add my two cents worth for a second time.
You want the real scoop on crazy, guilt producing mothers, then take mine (please).
My mother’s mother (my grandmother) was a German Lutheran immigrant with Jewish ancestors. By the time I was ten years old I felt guilty for everything from the dog pooping in the basement to being the cause of World War II—and I wasn’t born until after WWII was over.
Nick - See? Jewish guilt. It's painful, man. Oy gevalt.
CP.
Ha ha ha! That's awesome. That makes me 2/3 Jewish, I guess. Not so much with the Temple for me, but I do love shopping and my reuben sandwiches :D
That is so funny! I always tend to get more spiritual with my cards when there is a death too...I wonder if we all do?!?!
Happy Birthday to your boy! Yay for November babies!
LC - Consider yourself an honorary Jew then. I bestow it upon you.
Hilly - Yeah, I bust out all sorts of bible shit when someone bites the dust. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
CP.
"You know, Temple...rye bread and shopping."
Sweet Jesus. LOL
Jen - This is what raised me, can you imagine?
CP.
Lord Jesus in Heaven, I love her!!
I am not going to be original this time, so all I am going to say that your blog rocks, sad that I don't have suck a writing skills
Post a Comment