I realized that it is hell to live with me.
I was in my office today, which incidentally has become incredibly more interesting since I offered to do someone ELSE'S work, when I suddenly noticed that I was sitting next to a throat clearer.
You know who they are...*AHEM* *ACK ACK AHEM*
I guess I am so bored at this job that I actually started to notice the little things in the place that bug me. However, I have so little tolerance for the throat clearer.
SUCK a FUCKING LOZENGE!!!
I almost hurled one over the top of our ajoined cubicles. All day long...GAK GAK GAK GAK GAK. It was making me so insane that I took lunch an hour early because I had to get away from my desk. If you don't know who your local throat clearer is, be very wary, cause it might be YOU driving the person next to you insane.
And, while we're at it...what the hell is with educated 50 something year old women saying "Youse Guys" when referring to the women in the office. Here, let me give you another example:
"I will write out an email to the guyz'ez downstairs and see what we can do."
Guy-zez? You guy-zez? Those guy'zez books. These guy-zez copies.
Guy-zez?
Did someone switch around the rules of contractions on me? Are we supposed to say Guy-zez instead of "that belongs to those guys"? Is this what I have to look forward to? This is a well educated woman with a Bachelor's degree in Nursing for Gawd's sake!
And since I am feeling particularly peevish...lets add the following:
Do not say "conversate". That is reserved for rappers and imbeciles only. You can have a conversation. You can converse with someone. You can never conversate, okay? This one drives me fucking insane and makes me want to bleed rectally.
Nail tappers? Cut the shit right now before I come over there with the jaws of life and snap your fake ass acrylics right offa your hands. We all know they are some Lee Press On shit so no need to be calling attention to those bad boys, aiiiight??
Do not spell "appology" with two "P's" unless you are prepared to apologize to me for doing so.
How basic is the "I before E except after C" rule, may I ask? Is this not second grade shit? Don't write to me and tell me you "reCIEved" my fax when you actually received it, okay? I am not normally a grammar nazi. I understand that people make typos when they rush. But is it too much to ask to make an effort, People. When I see you doing the same thing over and over again, that tells me you aren't exactly making typing mistakes. It tells me that Mrs. Lipschitz, your elementary school teacher, made a mistake when she gave you an "A".
Dumbass Mrs. Lipschitz. I blame her. I refuse to believe that people are so resistant to the I before E rule. I refuse! I protest! I spit in the face of those who deny me my right to defend the guilty.
*ahem* Yes, I cleared my throat. Don't go there.
And lastly, flip flops. They have a time. They have a place. The time is during the summer and the place is the beach. I will grant some leniency for states like mine that are hot for nine months out of every year. But when, when precisely did it become okay to wear flip flops with a skirt...TO WORK????? And the slap slap slap slap sound they make (hence: flip flop) as you walk down the hallway makes me want to bitchslap you upside your fake nailed, throat clearing ass.
There. I feel better now.
What about you GUY-ZEZ??? Got any pet peeves to present to the perfectly pissed off Princess?
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
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45 comments:
Ice chewers. They can kiss my lily white, large ass because that shit makes my skin crawl.
Oh, and this post makes me hot for you. LOVE it!
No peeves from this old guy.
Conversate is my worst peeve EVER!!!
And on my "faith" blog this guy left a long anonymous message in which he accused me of being a pagan (is if I'd be insulted by that). My only response to his error filled message was:
"I before E, except after C
Or when sounding like A
As in neighbor or weigh
And that's all I have to say to you until you have the balls to identify yourself when you call me a pagan!"
I could go on for DAYS, DAYS I tell you about the peeving fodder my co-workers provide.
My favorite was, "Does avenue have an E at the end?"
Holy shit!!! Where were YOU in 1st grade. Duh!! One usually doesn't ADD letters to abbreviations that aren't in the actual word!
OMG...that's pathetic. Guyz-zez? REALLY?
I have a hard time dealing with "y'ins, or Y'uns" which is Pittsburghese (we won't get into all the rest of the weird sayings from the 'Burgh).
This is precisely why my husband has me proofread all his papers for his doctoral classes. Because his English? It's not so hot.
I am guilty of the flip flop thing. I have these super cute "dress" flip flops that I wear with my spring/summer skirt (yes, I only have one...so??).
My biggest pet peeves come from the same person.
She asks a question without ever asking a question. Example: "gin, I have a question...such and such company said this, but such and such company said this." And then I sit there and wait for the question. Don't say you have a question but NEVER ASK A DAMN QUESTION.
Also, she says "supposably" instead of "supposedly." AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
TT - Anytime I can make you hot for me with my posts, I can truly die happy. Nothing pleases me more...*wink*
Saintly - Oh come on...one peeve at least. How about, people who ask you what your peeves are even when you don't have any? Does that count??
Lex...so glad you are feelin' me on the whole conversate issue. My husband said it ONCE and once only. I corrected him and we have been in dictionary heaven ever since. Now HE cringes when he hears it!
Linda - Further proof that being poor with grammar and spelling does not make someone an idiot. You proofread his DOCTORAL papers? Yeesh. You are one patient and loving wife!
Gin - I have no issue with wearing flip flops and a skirt. None. Just not to the office. That is totally tacky. I wear flip flops constantly (florida) and I would never dare wear them to work. Want to know what really makes me nuts? In the winter, when it actually DOES get cold here...I see people bundled up in coats, sweaters...and wearing flip flops.
Hello???? *L*
CP.
My work pet peeve involves people who can see you are working but stand in your door to yap, yap, yap. Even when you turn to start typing away on a document, yap yap yap.
I have lots of peeves. Lots. Some involve scary things like clowns.
Oh! I just thought of another one from work. We have an ATM there. It says "I enjoyed helping you" when done with a transaction. WTF? It is a MACHINE; no enjoy. Drives me freakin' nuts.
Saint...Your ATM story reminded me of my post where I wrote that Always Maxi Pads have the audacity to have the slogan "Have a Happy Period" on the wrappers.
I would guarantee that there is a man behind all of this madness.
CP.
Oh, I just hate people in general. Which is why I've become a hermit only going out of doors in the middle of the night to do my shopping. I can't imagine how it will be when I have to get a job in the next few months. I'm gonna need medication.
And I saw someone recently wear a black skirt, black tank top and black flip flops to a FUNERAL. Girl, my eyes almost bugged outta my head. I swear.
Well, since you don't want to conversate about this...eh-hem...then I must bring up the loud gum chewers - the slapping and smacking sounds-----ewwwwwwwwwwww! And who wears flip-flops in the office? That wasn't even allowed when I was in the office world. We had to wear stockings with ANY SHOE----and who the hell wants to wear a pair of stockings with their flip-flops. Lovely, right?
Oh GAWD I needed to read this post. I laughed my ass off, and yet, didn't bleed rectally.
Love you!xxoo
Who wants to see that crap anyway?
CLICK HERE if you dare................mua ha ha!
KG - I know you feel my pain when it comes to fashion. Flip flops at a funeral? What's next? Bermuda shorts at a wedding! Gads!
Deb - No rectal bleeding? I must be losing my touch. *kissies*
CP.
Deb...Oh no you di'in't. You did not just post those raggedy ass thangs on my site. Oh girl. It is on like Donkey Kong now!
CP.
I thought you'd love that little photo my darling. It's been a long time since I've did my little photo displays on it.
It's Maddie's feet! haha!
Here's the other side of her feet. And she wants me to suck them?
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
I am willing to bet you $$ the woman who says "youze" knows she does so & is proud of it. Why do I say this? Cuz I know of someone with a college education who brags about exactly that.
I can't stand anything that has to do with bodily functions. I'd definitely lose weight sitting by that person.
Peeve: When I buy a new something or other, let's say a tiny vac for the kitchen floor, and the instruction book starts out with, "Congratulations on your purchase!"
Congratulations should be for something bigger than a made-in-China plastic piece of crap that'll last a few months then get tossed out.
Oh Lawd, CP, I have lots of coworker peeves. For example at my current workplace, I have the pleasure of working with the following individuals:
- The public nose picker: Dude, noone needs to see that. Seriously.
- The loud guffaw-er and the shrill cackle-r: Yes, we're all making fun of you behind your backs.
- The person who gives me her annoying opinion about my life when I never asked for it: I promise one day I will punch you in the face.
- The gum smacker: People kill over that shit, you know.
- The guy who starts every friggin' sentence with "If *I* were you....": Please enjoy your testicles while you still have them.
- The constant complainer: I have more than a few things I can do to you that will give you real reason to complain.
- The "I'm going to talk about each and every medical procedure I've ever had in my life to such an extent it will make you want to vomit on your shoes" lady: One more time and I'm going to tell you in excruciating detail about my last colonoscopy (with video!).
- The person who takes 5 minutes to answer a "yes or no" question: Me, shaking my head? That's me wishing I had a remote control for your mouth.
- The woman who has not once ever talked about something other than the problems she's having with her boyfriend: He's just not that into you. Get over it.
- The person who sends out stupid religious emails (you know the ones that start with "What Would Jesus Do?"): Jesus would probably tell you to cut that shit out.
- The other person who sends out chain letters that always end with something like "if you send this to 5 people in the next 5 minutes, fairies who fart rainbows will grant you three wishes": There is a special place in hell for youse peoples.
- The coworker who has not once ever shown up for a meeting on time: You know that embarassing video of you on YouTube? We're starting the next meeting with it.
- The person who has 45 minute personal calls and also? A really loud voice: I'm keeping notes over here and am just waiting to send out transcripts to the entire office.
I can so totally go on and on about these people. It's an environment full of nutbags. I'm so glad I'm leaving in 2 months :).
My pet peeve is when you don't post every day. You know how I miss and pine for you so...
A few more weeks baby...then we gonna get our drink on!
My current pet peeve is finding pee all over a toilet seat in a women's public restroom. For those who are so paranoid they have to hover...lift up the seat!!!! I don't want to sit in your piss. It is especially horrible to find this when there are seat covers available. Grrrrrr.
My peeve? The DRAMATIC SIGHER. God, I could just reach out my door and rip the lips right off of the person in my office who does it EVERY SINGLE TIME she has to stand outside my door for anything--it's where the copier and the fax machine are.
Too funny.
I had a meeting the other day with this Chef girl. I've been making the menus and she was going over them.
But the whole time I'm talking to her?
clickclickclickclickclickclick with her freakin' pen!!!
OMG I couldn't take it anymore and told her to stop before I stabbed her with it.
Good thing she laughed.
She stopped.
And started up again, ten minutes later.
I told her again I was going to hurt her. LOL ...
Gawd, that drives me nuts.
clickclickclickclickclickclickclick
WTF?
You covered most of them...
Some to add:
People who clip their nails at work. That's just nasty.
Saying, "I seen her at the mall." No, you SAW her at the mall, dumbass.
Oh, and my office building is behing a library so my coworker always gives directions as, "We're right behind the libary" (no "r" after the "b").
CP -
This post just goes to prove you have GOT to get a more challenging job...
What about people who yawn loudly? This drives me nuts. Two people near me do it and I want to physically hurt them.
I work in medical publishing and it doesn't matter how many advanced degrees a person has...there are always a few who speak and write like retards.
Conversate...thank you for pointing this out. I fucking lose it when I hear it.
Better than conversate is 'irregardless'.
This guyzez had bronchitis this week so 'scyooz me if'n ah clear mah throat.
Beeyotch.
I have a couple:
People who smack, chomp and talk when they eat. (Actually, I think that counts for 3.)
Men who play with the change in their pants pockets.
Love ya CP!
Pet Peeves
Pee on the seat and/or floor in the ladies restroom.
People who CLIP their fucking fingernails at their desks.
Conversate bugs the hell out of me too.
There's just too many for me to list.
I'm a member of the, "I will cut out your throat if you clear it one more time" club. Everyone needs to clear their throat every now and again, that's understandable BUT if you have to do it every five minutes then there is something wrong with you. Go see a fucking doctor. I've been sitting across from a chronic hacker for over a year now.
So ehm... they haven't gotten 'round to telling you that rapper gear is the official office wear starting next week? It is...
Pluralizing words that should not be pluralized, Moms, for example. Not pluralizing words that should be pluralized, "Do you have 10 cent?"
Do you see what I am saying? God I hate that phrase. No, I don't see what you are saying. The words are not hanging over your head in a balloon like they do in the comics.
charm = Makes me fucking nuts too! I think that got worse after "fiddy cent" became popular.
Dutchy - Yep, break out da bling, homeslice!
Mel - I am telling you! It drives me insane. The girl was out today, thank DOG and I got a break from her gak gak gak.
JR - OH MY DOG!!!! You have to be kidding me. You have witnessed people clipping their nails at their desks??? *vomits*
newbie - Ooooh, don't you think for a second those men are actually playing with the CHANGE in their pockets! *snort*
CP.
limpy - Anything to torture me, huh?
Anonymous - Irregardless irks me too, but not as much as conversate.
Debbie - Oh, the loud yawner. That's another one I could live without...that and the dramatic sigher and the person that has to blow their nose at their desk.
T Cole - But it IS a challenge...to work there. I have to put up with so much...ick! *L*
Amy - Oh, the whole LIberry thing...that makes my eye twitch!
J - You're nicer than me. I would have went for the stab.
Lurker! I said that too! The big "siiiiiiiiigh". That and nose whistles irk me big time!
Anon - I found someone left a used feminine hygiene product in the garbage can where I used to work, just laying there on top of the trash. Makes you wonder what these peoples homes look like, right?
Fab - My only pet peeve with you is that I have yet to rub my breasts on your naked head. See you at Avi's and make my dreams come true! Better yet...make the hotbands dream come true!
CP.
Jane - I wish I lost weight around bodily function stuff. I'd be so slender...especially living here with two men!
Anonymous - Congratulations on this thing that you paid way too much for and that will break on you in a week. Hooray! Assholes.
Muser - You should just cut and paste that rant into your blog and use it for a post! It's hysterical!
CP.
Um, well, let's see. The loud sigher thing drives me crazy too. Snifflers drive me batty too. You know, when they really should blow their nose but they don't and just sniffle instead. OR EVEN WORSE the sniffer gaggers who inhale the snot instead of just blowing their nose. UGH. that makes me ill and I think it's SOOOOO gross. One more, loud chewers, it drives me crazy. Basically anything to do with snot or any kind of bodily fluid is just too much for me to handle. And this is why I could never ever be a nurse!
Missed you. Great post.
Most of these things peeve me out too. However, i now feel very insecure because i'm a throat clearer. People ask me a ? or when its my turn to speak i open my mouth to speak and nothing comes out. I have to clear my throat. I always cover my mouth and say "excuse me". I had throat cancer when i was 19 yrs old and the vocal cords were scraped to get the cancer off of it. Not my fault and theres nothing i can do about it so lay off please. I could have ended up without any voice. I was lucky and i lived to have 3 kids to hollar at as i raised them. All you have to do is put up with my little "ahem" first before you hear me speak. If thats too difficult then you must be a perfect person with a wonderful life. Congrats to you.
shit I've been gone too long over here....now I have what? 6 months of back reading to do????....let me in its like a frkkin Soap Opera...right? just jump in Jerry!!!
do not AX me a question...you can ASK
Anonymous - You really need to get over yourself. I am very sorry about your medical malady that causes you to clear your throat. Obviously, you are not the person we refer to. We are discussing the person who consistently GAKS before they speak like they are hacking up a lung. If you came here looking for sympathy, you truly came to the wrong place. I can tell you don't read my blog...otherwise you would already know how perfect I am.
Kitty Litter - AX...that one drives me freaking NUTS!
Jer - Nice to see you back, friend!
CP.
omg.. that was GREAT! we obviously work in the same office ::laughing::
except for one thing.. I have biker babe.. a 50ish, 350 poundish, mini skirt wearin', tattooed, face like a bulldog, harley ridin' mama on the other side of MY cubicle...
::sigh::
In Texas, the plural of y'all is "all y'all".
Grammar is dead. The language is dead. Adverbs are dead. You can now end a sentence with a prepositional phrase. I cry. I tried to explain grammar to my friend's 9 year old, and he told me that the teachers teach them that if they can communicate such that other people understand them, that's good enough.
They don't diagram sentences anymore.
It's so sad....
Absurdist, they don't teach penmanship anymore, either. So now not only are people unable to speak in intelligible sentences, they can't write readable ones, either!
Hooray for education...
Muser - LOL!!!
CP - I have a few of those people at my work, too. Such fun.
One I can't really get mad at, because she's actually a very sweet person, but even though I have a "mail" box on the wall outside my office door, and an "inbox" right on the filing cabinet, she will walk in the room, sit down, and because I'm obviously working, she will not say a word. She'll just sit there until I tell her to go ahead & talk. I've explained the inbox to her, but she's just not getting it. Oh well. Ya gotta love her. ;-p
Well.. to defend some people... The English language can be very difficult at times. The "I before E except after C" rule doesn't always apply, which may make it a bit difficult for some people.. geeeeez, you guyzez.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate the word "ain't" .. I think there might not be anything more ignorant than that single word.
blah blah blah "...it's in the dictionary.." .. whatever. It's still ignernt.
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