I realized that it is hell to live with me.
I was in my office today, which incidentally has become incredibly more interesting since I offered to do someone ELSE'S work, when I suddenly noticed that I was sitting next to a throat clearer.
You know who they are...*AHEM* *ACK ACK AHEM*
I guess I am so bored at this job that I actually started to notice the little things in the place that bug me. However, I have so little tolerance for the throat clearer.
SUCK a FUCKING LOZENGE!!!
I almost hurled one over the top of our ajoined cubicles. All day long...GAK GAK GAK GAK GAK. It was making me so insane that I took lunch an hour early because I had to get away from my desk. If you don't know who your local throat clearer is, be very wary, cause it might be YOU driving the person next to you insane.
And, while we're at it...what the hell is with educated 50 something year old women saying "Youse Guys" when referring to the women in the office. Here, let me give you another example:
"I will write out an email to the guyz'ez downstairs and see what we can do."
Guy-zez? You guy-zez? Those guy'zez books. These guy-zez copies.
Did someone switch around the rules of contractions on me? Are we supposed to say Guy-zez instead of "that belongs to those guys"? Is this what I have to look forward to? This is a well educated woman with a Bachelor's degree in Nursing for Gawd's sake!
And since I am feeling particularly peevish...lets add the following:
Do not say "conversate". That is reserved for rappers and imbeciles only. You can have a conversation. You can converse with someone. You can never conversate, okay? This one drives me fucking insane and makes me want to bleed rectally.
Nail tappers? Cut the shit right now before I come over there with the jaws of life and snap your fake ass acrylics right offa your hands. We all know they are some Lee Press On shit so no need to be calling attention to those bad boys, aiiiight??
Do not spell "appology" with two "P's" unless you are prepared to apologize to me for doing so.
How basic is the "I before E except after C" rule, may I ask? Is this not second grade shit? Don't write to me and tell me you "reCIEved" my fax when you actually received it, okay? I am not normally a grammar nazi. I understand that people make typos when they rush. But is it too much to ask to make an effort, People. When I see you doing the same thing over and over again, that tells me you aren't exactly making typing mistakes. It tells me that Mrs. Lipschitz, your elementary school teacher, made a mistake when she gave you an "A".
Dumbass Mrs. Lipschitz. I blame her. I refuse to believe that people are so resistant to the I before E rule. I refuse! I protest! I spit in the face of those who deny me my right to defend the guilty.
*ahem* Yes, I cleared my throat. Don't go there.
And lastly, flip flops. They have a time. They have a place. The time is during the summer and the place is the beach. I will grant some leniency for states like mine that are hot for nine months out of every year. But when, when precisely did it become okay to wear flip flops with a skirt...TO WORK????? And the slap slap slap slap sound they make (hence: flip flop) as you walk down the hallway makes me want to bitchslap you upside your fake nailed, throat clearing ass.
There. I feel better now.
What about you GUY-ZEZ??? Got any pet peeves to present to the perfectly pissed off Princess?