Blog Buddies...

I have been thinking about my online relationships. I suppose that we all do from time to time. I am wondering why I prefer my online friendships to "real life" friendships. And I think I've gotten it figured out.

Online friendships are safer. They don't require as much effort as "real time" relationships. They are always a keystroke away. But most of all, I think that online friends are more accepting of your flaws.

I've been online since 1995 when I was pregnant with my boys. I was bedridden and I was bored. My husband (now ex) bought me a computer and I was immediately hooked. I went into a place called "The Chathouse" and started chatting with people. Eventually, those people became more than just handles in a chat room. They became friends. I learned about their families, their personal lives and things that you wouldn't normally reveal about yourself to the people in your "real time". Eventually, after I had my son, I started to meet these people. I met a woman from North Carolina who I was very close with online. I met a guy from California. I met a man who was in the army in Jacksonville, North Carolina. I had a girlfriend in Seattle who came to stay with me for a week. She and I road tripped up to Georgia to meet another friend. There was no awkwardness between these people and myself because we had already been chatting online for years. I knew their intimate secrets just as they knew mine.

Eventually, my marriage started to unravel because I was spending more time with my online friends than I was with my husband. I met a man from Connecticut, fell for him head over heels and had an affair. It's not something I am particularly proud of, but I felt this man really knew me, understood me and wanted nothing from me but to spend time with me...online or offline.

That relationship eventually came to a screeching halt and I met the Hotband around this time. There was that awkwardness that comes with first meeting someone and dating them. There was a lot of small talk to fill in the pregnant pauses during our dates. I yearned for the closeness I had with my online friends. There was none. At least, not right away.

Online, we reveal ourselves fully. It is safe. There is a monitor between you and that person. I feel no one judges you online. You can wear whatever you want and your friends online won't care. They only care about you. Over the years, I have stayed friends with the people I met over 10 years ago. We write to one another frequently. We stay in touch with one another. The relationships are so free and non-demanding. They don't require as much maintenance as offline relationships do.

I have a friend of 35 years. We are close, but not as close as I would like due to time restraints and "real life" taking over. We don't talk as often as I would like. No ones fault really, life just gets in the way. With my online friends, there always seems to be time to nurture the relationship. I feel closer to some of my online friends than I do the people that I meet throughout my "real life". Even when I meet these online friends (such as Deb, Avitable, Mr. Fab, Miss Britt, etc.) it is as if we have been good friends for years and years. We get to know one another so intimately and freely allow these people into our world. We know about each others families and friends. We know about financial issues and emotional issues. We bond with one another so strongly and ferverantly that you can scarcely believe you have only known this person for a year or so.

I love my online friends. I love them because they are completely accepting of who I am, warts and all. They are always just a keystroke away and always seem to make time for each other. And while there are people in the world who don't "get it", I know the relationships I have online are healthy and realistic. They are true and run much deeper than my offline relationships. I don't know if that is considered unhealthy, but I consider my online friends to be some of the most valuable, considerate and kind people that I know. We tend to rally around one another in very passionate ways. I feel I can discuss things with my online circle that I cannot discuss with my "real time" friends. I feel less pressure and less need to put on an air with my online friends.

My mother doesn't get it.

"Why do you talk to these people online? How do you know who they are? They could be serial killers and rapists."

That may be so...but how is it any different than meeting someone in a bar, at the laundromat, at school or any other place? She doesn't buy into that theory.

"There are all sorts of freaks and weirdos online!"

How do I tell her that I am one of them?

"Why don't you make some REAL friends?"

I try to explain to her that these are real friendships. These relationships stand the test of time and are sometimes more healthy than the friendships we have in our everyday lives. There is nothing to hide from your online friends. They are less judgmental and more willing to listen and accept you regardless of your flaws.

I could never give up my online friends. They mean the world to me. Everytime someone leaves a comment about anything I write, I feel it is their way of reaching out to me. I enjoy reading about everyones daily lives and would be saddened if I could no longer do so. I am fortunate in my relationship with my present husband. He really gets it. He didn't in the beginning, but he gets it now. My blogging friends are priceless treasures and I couldn't ask for more.

I guess what I am trying to get at is I love each and every one of you for being exactly who you are. I treasure the moments we spend online chatting, exchanging emails or leaving comments for one another. I think about you guys often and I am always excited to rush home and share a funny story or something that happened during the course of my day. I love your feedback and that you share your lives with me as well. I feel fortunate to have you all in my life.

I am a very lucky girl, indeed.