The Queen is Arriving! The Queen is Arriving!
I'm such a wicked, wicked, wicked little Princess. Spank me. I had a novel idea strike me at 3am. I knew I had to share it with all of you at once. My mind, it churns out spew like buttah, Baby! But first, a little poetry to brighten your Monday morning.M is for Monday, the first day of the week.
O is for oy vey, lest she hear us speak.
T is for together, which my family shall be.
H is for hysterical, and the laugh will be on me.
E is for Esther, who is arriving here today.
R is for rescue me, I will gladly pay.
Yes. Esther is arriving here at 6pm today. I have bought new furniture. I have bleached every corner of my home. I have scrubbed the carpets, washed the dogs, cleaned the garage and wore myself out for the visit from the Queen Esther. My poor manicure is shot to shit. My pedicure is trashed from all the bleach. I am one trifflin' ass tired looking hag right now. Love me. But, here's the good news, Peeps. I am so devoted to all of you that I will be doing a Video Blog with the Queen herself. Yes, you heard a bitch. The legend will come to life on YouTube as I document Thanksgiving with the Queen.
Any requests? Esther reading poetry? Esther singing Christmas (goyum) carols? Esther eating a pastrami on rye? Now's your chance, Folks. I am going to try to get in as many requests as I can get her to do unknowingly! Get in your requests nice and early so that I can put the Queen in all sorts of precarious positions...
then, save your money up for my hospital bills, cause that bitch is gonna kick my fat ass up and down the peninsula when she finds herself on YouTube!
Labels: Esther
So Sayeth CP at 3:25 AM
29 Comments:
OH MUH FUCKIN' GAWD. I cannot wait to see this!
Is there going to be alcohol involved?
I am invited down to meet her. Aren't I? Aren't I?
ZOMG!
This should be interesting, to say the least...
Here's a challenge ('cause it will be the most difficult thing to do) - see if you can film her ACTUALLY BEING NICE to you. 'Course, that may only provide about a half second of video...
I can't wait to see this. I just want to hear her berate you, because it's too damn funny.
Can't wait to see this!! I think singing anything would be fun!!
I think ANYTHING will suffice. And..you bought new furniture just because your mom was coming for Thanksgiving?
Esther...just being Esther. THAT'S what I want to see.
Failing that, can you get her to say, "Fuck" or "twat?" Just once?
Oh, wow. I don't know what to think for you to get her to do.
Gobble like a turkey and flap her "wings"?
=)
I would fall over laughing if you actually catch her on video after T-Giving dinner....
Unbuttoning her pants and letting one RIPPPPPPPP..........
O.K. maybe not ladylike, but it would be funny as Hell!
(Oh and I like Lynda's suggestion too)
List of Grievances ala Seinfield
"I got alot of problems with you people!"
Oh yeah, Christmas is coming early this year. I can't wait!
I would love to see you talk to her duing her program...just say hi and let the fun ensue.
Good luck, CP.
*Grabs popcorn and plops down on her couch*
Ok. I'm ready. Let the movie begin!!! I want her views on the homosexual lifestyle and if two women or two men could get married by a rabi.
Her views?
*rubbing hands together*
Mua ha ha ha!!!!!
I want to hear Esther read a night-night story to you and the family.
Ester is there? Now? Have fun! Have a happy Thanksgiving!
I have just switched into prayer mode:
May your home be filled with the blessing of joy—and peace!
OMFG !
I can't WAIT to see this!
I think you should talk about sex. Any type of sex. That should be totally fun.
And if she finds out about YouTube and comes after your ass, count on me for bail money or hospital funds.
I'm picturing it coming out something like the SNL girls on "Bronx Beat":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s4Jk_u6UpQ
Should be fun.
I loved your poem!
Get her high.
Now THIS I have to see... actually, I'd pay if need be. :)
Hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving, and I'm waiting on Esther vids with torturous anticipation.
KB :)
I just want to see her being herself, because from the way you describe her a normal conversation sounds pretty damn hilarious.
No suggestions. just a comment. You are VERY beautiful!!!! :) Such a very pretty girl. That is all.
Cute poem.
Hey, who the heck is Esther? And where can I watch her eating a pastrami sandwich?
Esther drunk, for sure!!
OMG! ESTHER LIVE!!! No, please don't set her up with any scenarios, maybe bring up a topic you know she'll go off about and let that camera roll. Or just let it roll whenever she goes off on you CP!
Holy crap. Is it wrong that I'm so excited about this??????
I'll be checking back HOURLY! Shit - Esther.
Can you get her to talk about true love.
Happy Thanksgiving!
We'll be wanting it ALL on video!!! OMFG! You are a GENIUS!!!
Don't forget to have Esther tell her view on the Vegas happenings and lap dances on vid!!!
You are my hero if you pull it off. I can only worship you and hope I'm worthy of you... She may be the Queen, you are the Empress... OMFG! What am I saying: THE GODDESSSSS
OMFG!!!
I CAN'T WAIT!!!
OOOOH!!
B-)
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