My husband asked me not to blog about what happened. He is convinced that someone, somewhere may hold it against me. I agree with him to a certain extent. The watered down version is I gave a patient the wrong medication which caused them to go into a diabetic shock. She survived, but only because I did my best to cover it up. I should have gone to the doctor with my error, but I didn't. I was too busy covering my own ass.
There is more to the story, but I have to let that go.
I need to thank all of you who commented below. I needed to read every last one of those posts. Thank you all for being so gracious with your words. I need to especially thank one female blogger who reached out to me via email. Your kindness was not lost on me. Thank you for your understanding and forgiveness. You said all the things I needed to hear and I am grateful to have you as a friend.
You are all phenomenal people and I am thankful to have you all in my life.
I promise to go back to the princessy posts after this. I have learned a very hard lesson. I am forgiving myself and chalking it up as something that will only make me a better nurse and human being from this day forward.
Again, I thank all of you for being there. Truly. I love you all.
CP.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
24 comments:
Awww Hon, I am sorry you have had to go thru this. And this bloggerfriend for one will NEVER hold it against you. There's all kinds of coulda woulda shoulda's that must be going thru your mind but keep in mind that each and everyone of us fucks up at some point(s) in their lives and though I know that it probably didn't feel that way, you are still a great person!!! That's the way I feel (and I am glad that I did check your blog before going to sleep and got to tell you this).
I don't think you'll ever find one who hasn't made mistakes, big ones, in their lives. Thankfully, this one, while still a very bad thing to happen, did turn out alright in the end. We can learn hard lessons from these trials. Thinking about you and hoping you are doing okay.
Of course we are here for you.
You are not alone, okay?
I worked for 10 months on a grant about preventing medication errors, and the doctor who got the grant nearly killed one of his patients because he didn't read the man's chart. He thought he knew the patient well enough, and it very nearly killed a man. This doctor, however, did great things because of his mistake -- he made others aware that it's an easy, but costly mistake to make.
Remember, you are not alone. You have learned, and it will be okay. You've got so many people to support you... Lean on them -- us.
Love ya!
That is terrible. Not that you nearly kill a patient through inattention, but that all you do is blog about it. Seriously? You need to let the doctor and the medical facility know. You need to be like the doctor in tense teacher's post: "he made other aware that it's an easy, but costly mistake to make". Suck it up, report it, and by doing so your act of responsibility will probably save so many more lives by reminding other nurses to check, double-check and triple check before administering anything.
Here I thought all this time that you were so strong and forthright and for what's right. I am so disappointed.
BTW - If you want to be anonymous about this mistake, then I choose to be anonymous in my posting.
As an insulin dependant Diabetic, that's a VERY scary thing. I know! Haven't ever gone into insulin shock. Hopefully never will, but I've been down in the 30's. Not Fun!
I also know though, that if caught relatively quickly, it's a very easily reversible thing.
We are human. We fuck up. We're not perfect. That, is a fact of life.
I almost gave myself 20u of R insulin, instead of NPH the other week! I would have had nobody to blame but my own self. I KNOW BETTER!! I KNOW to check my insulin before I even draw it into the syringe. But, I did not. I put the needle to my tummy, just about to inject, and I just happened to noticed that it was clear, and not cloudy!
So, yea. I can fully understand fucking up! I almost did it to my own self!
I don't exactly know how to respond to the not reporting it. I feel conflicted on that one.
I know you didn't do anything intentionally. I know that you are not incompetent. I don't know what the consequences would be, if you were to report it. And if those consequences would be fair. (Punishments don't always fit the offense!)
However, I'm not going to hold it against you. I'm not going to verbally beat you up. (I'm sure you've done that to yourself enough, already). I will not judge you. Besides, it's not MY job to judge you. That's God's job, and His alone! ;0)
I'm also not going to stop coming here, and stop reading you, just because you fucked up!
I will however, be here for you. I will listen to you, if you need me to. (seriously, contact me, if you want/need to talk) I will offer you support. And, I will forgive you.
I believe too, that this will probably be one of the biggest lessons you have ever learned. And in the end, will make you a MUCH better nurse.
That's why mistakes exist: to learn from them.
Peace, my friend.
I am glad that you and the patient are doing okay.
We all make mitakes and we learn from them. It makes us stronger. I know how hard it can be to forgive oneself but, doing so is freeing.
Let us know where you work at least so we can avoid it.
I am so fucking relieved to read the last part of this.
Loving you!
So sorry that you had to endure such a hard lesson. Everyone makes mistakes in their jobs and when you are newly entering back into the workforce that is very common. Unfortunately, your job does not have a large margin for on the job learning and mistakes as just a small one can cause damage. I am very glad to hear that the woman survived. You must learn the lesson that this provides and to make sure that you emerge from this with good knowledge so that it doesn't happen again. I am sure that you are aware of all that and will be very sure of your actions in the future. Glad to have you back.
Mistakes, accidents, and just human errors in general happen.
As long as you get something from it, then it was not in vain.
Hang in there.
Ignore anonymous up there.
It's not easy being human and excepting that sometimes shit happens and mistakes are made.
I'm glad everything worked out.
xoxos
It's hard living up to the standard of being human sometimes. We all make mistakes. Please don't be so hard on yourself. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
xxoo
Love you!
To Err is human. We learn from our expierences both bad and good. The events are unfortunate. Everything will work out. Best of luck.
Jake
Ahh CP -
You realized your mistake, you will not make it (or one like it)again and I know you are a damned good nurse. Move past this mistake for your own health and well being.
Love ya back,
kat
(PS - either support the woman - or grow a schmeckl and sign your name, anonymous cowards!)
Okay, so you made a mistake. People make mistakes all the time.
While I don't support your decision on your not reporting it to the doctor immediately, I still love you and accept that you fucked up and you've learned from it and let's move on, shall we?
Glad you are back!! I was worried. We are all human and accidents happen. Thanks for letting us know that princesses are people too.
Much love to you and yours!
Full of crap you are, CP.
"I am a strong woman who keeps her ideals lofty and has a terrific sense of self". Please.
You should report yourself and take what's coming, good or bad.
Until then, you are a near-murderous loser.
Still love ya CP, nothing has changed. You learned a valuable lesson from your mistake.
You're human.
You need to start on the road to healing. If you ever feel the need to chat, you know where to find me.
XOXO
Oh and nevermind the bullshit that is shftyrn. They obviously have no idea who you are. If and when you are ever ready to tell this to the doctors, you will, no doubt. If you don't, you have still learned a very valuable lesson.
MWAH!
No, there is a valid point to be made here. I do pride myself on my honesty and full disclosure which is why this has been so hard on me. I feel the "rn" anonymous in these posts have a certain degree of anger and disgust because I do as well. That's not the person I aspire to be. I take those lashings seriously. No, I won't report the mistake now. In all my years as a nurse, I can count on one finger how many errors I have made. Albeit this was a big one, but I have the right to cut myself a bit of slack and make sure I am more diligent with my med passes. I am still a young nurse with a lot of learning to go. I don't feel people who are being anonymous are entirely cowards. They just don't want to be accountable for what they say, just as I didn't want to be accountable for what I did.
I am not going to say anything further on the subject except that I have chosen to let go and let God and thank the Lord that nothing too devastating came of my error.
I appreciate the supporters as well as the nay-sayers who were brave enough to go against the grain. I deserved it.
CP
I have even more respect for you now - you shared this story with the world. I even understand the panic mode in not reporting your mistake - it's easy for anyone to say they would have immediately reported themselves - I wonder what they would have done if it actually happened to them.
Love you!
We all make mistakes. I have spent 20 plus years in the medical field, most of them in critical care. That being said there is no room in medicine for covering your own ass. You should have reported the mistake and thought of the patient first.
This is what makes me crazy about nursing. The absolute stomach cramping fear at the very thought of making an error. The ridiculous belief that we are somehow perfect beings.
The fact that if and when we do make a mistake we get drowned n a mound of hateful shit, we could lose our jobs, they could sue us, we could lose our license.
Of course everyone's first instinct is to cover this shit up and then do everything including standing on your and twirling to fix the error so the patient will never know there had been an error.
This culture of fear and fear of retribution is so toxic it's insane.
Why is it that in any other part of anyone else's life making a mistake and then aggressively correcting that mistake is deeply respected but in ours it's "covering up" an error.
The bizarre idea that anytime we make a mistake we have to report that mistake to three layers of management before we can fix it... and god forbid if you don't grovel for forgiveness.
We are human beings. We make mistakes but here is the important part we FIX our mistakes to the very best of our abilities.
Do not make yourself sick over this. It's a lesson learned never to be forgotten. Every nurse working today has made a mistake and fixed it.
I can tell you you will never make that same mistake ever again.
Post a Comment