And the winner is...

Psychobabble!

Send me an email to certifiableprincess AT Yahoo dot com with your address so I may send you your gift card! Hooray!

Baby Shower Contest!

So, yesterday was my daughters baby shower. What better time to throw a little contest. I am going to ask some questions. The person who gets the most right, or closest to right will win a gift card of their choice! Applebee's, Ebay, Amazon, Starbucks...whatever you want. The game will stay open until Wednesday when I shall tally the votes and announce the winner on Thursday.

Here are the questions:

1) Out of 40 guests, how many actually showed up?

2) How many girls there had the name "Melissa"?

3) What was the total cost of the baby shower to be thrown?

4) How many men were at the shower?

5) What color outfit did my daughter wear?

6) How many duplicste gifts did she receive?

7) What did the inscription on the cake say?

8) How many pink balloons were hanging in the room where the shower was thrown?

9) How many "binkies" did she receive?

10) What time did the party end?


Answer the questions in the comments. Whoever gets the most right or closest to right will win the giftcard. Happy guessing and good luck!

PS: Check back in the comments as I will be giving clues...mwahahahahhaa!

My son...he did it!!!

He actually got the brajoles to text message a girl in his class and invite her to the movies. He is so stressed out now, waiting for her answer. He keeps whining "what if she says no?" Of course, I am trying to keep him positive as this is the first crush he has ever had. If she says no, I will slap the dirty whore.

If she says yes, I will happily chaperone. The child will live to see another day.

Do you remember your first date? Share!

I almost died this past Thursday!!!!

By the way, thank you all for the headache remedies.

I almost didn't need them anymore. Your Princess nearly died this weekend. Yes, death of the Princess and none of you would have ever known. So sad.

Mid migraine, my husband suggests we get away to the beach for the weekend. So on September 11th, a sad day in history to begin with...I drag my ass out of bed to go to the beach. I am not in a good mood. My head is hurting, it's 9/11 and there are very gut wrenching issues I am dealing with in relation to that. My hotband is doing his best to cheer me up since the drugs/ice/compresses/etc. were not working. The beach is our happy place...and with Ike tucked safely away in the Gulf wreaking havoc on Texas instead of Florida. (I am praying for all of you Texans, God be with all of you...seriously). I figure we will try to relax on the beach.

Unfortunately for me, I choose to watch more "Project Runway" than I watch the Weather Channel. Yeah. Hurricane Ike? In the Gulf of Mexico. CP? In the Gulf of Mexico.

Apparently, the two cannot co-exist.

I got caught in a riptide. Know what that is? Thats when the water sucks you down harder than a hooker in heat. Sucked me in like a cheap whore. The swells were massive. Swelling I have not seen since the last time I broke out the KY Yours and Mine with the hotband.

Sucked. Under. See Ya.

And for a divine few moments, I was considering my own death. I was totally NOT cool with it. I fought those fucking waves so hard, gasped for breath and got sucked under again. This time, I hit the bottom. Hard. Smashed my face into the sand. Water piling onto my head. Can't fucking breathe. So not cool.

Finally get my face above the water for a millisecond...long enough for my husband to see my panicked face. I yelled for help...LOUD!

Mind you, Hotband doesn't swim. And this is the person I am asking for help???

Well, blah blah blah....I obviously made it out because I am here telling you about this. Ike puked me up and spit me out quite mercifully. Rolled my fat ass onto the sand and into my husbands arms. I was sputtering, spitting, pissing my drawers and shaking. I was completely blown away by the enormity of the situation.

We get back to the resort and the woman there tells us, "Oh, the Governor just made a statement warning that no one should go into the Gulf! I just wanted to let you kids know!"

Yeah. Great. Thanks.

So tell me...what would your final words to me be once you found out I died??

No. Seriously. Please pray for Texas. Hard.

The headache from hell...

I have been battling a migraine for the past two days. This one is particularly bad and has not let up until today. I am still getting dull throbs, but it is substantially better than when it began. This is one of those headaches that make you vomit because it sickens you so. And of course, the vomiting only makes the headache worse. I have tried everything to make this go away...cold towels, air conditioned silent rooms, Advil and even Percocet. Nothing is helping this one. I am starting to be convinced that I have a tumor or something. Yes, I am overly dramatic, I know...but it huuuuuuuurts!

So tell me Dear Readers, when you get a headache from hell...how do you treat it?

I am open to any advice. Help a Princess, won't you?

Esther saves the world...

So, we're on our way to Kmart (yes, the Princess shops Kmart once in awhile. Don't hate.) My father, mother, Sammi and I are in the car...a large overbearing Lexus SUV. (Way to preserve the gas sitch, Parents!) All of a sudden, as we are going to park, we see a car start rolling forward into a ravine. The car was originally parked but somehow managed to start sliding foward. It was about a three foot drop into this ravine.

Esther sees this happen and screeches...

"Harry! Stop the car!!!"

My father, oblivious to what is going on continues to drive and says "Whatsa mattah?"

"Stop the car, dammit! There's a dog in that car! Stop the car!"

Now, you have to know something about my mother. If a child was on fire, she wouldn't be bothered to piss on it to put it out. However, if a dog is in trouble, she will leap into action like fucking Wonder Woman with a big D on her chest for "Doglover".

My father slows the car down. We're doing about 5 mph when Esther decides to swing the car door open and literally hurls herself from the car. She stumbles, hits her knee, gets up and starts running in the direction of the car that is slowly sliding down into the ravine. She does the fat lady run toward the car (Y'all know the fat lady run...it's more like a waddle than an actual run) and puts out her hands like she is going to stop the car single handedly.

"There's a dog," she exclaims! "There's a dog in the car!!!"

Someone calls 911 to let them know that there is a crazy fat chick trying to pull a dog from a car. People gather around. Sammi and I are pissing ourselves with laughter in the backseat. My father is yelling..."Esther! ESTHER!! Get back in the car, Esther! Are you fucking crazy???"

The car is now fully in the ravine and so is my mother. She's yanking on the car doors..."get the dog! Get the dog!!"

Police come.

"Lady," the officer sighs, "there is no dog in the car."

"YES THERE IS!"

"No Ma'am. There is no dog in this car!"

"It's a small dog! I saw it! It must be scared and hiding under the car seats!"

The owner of the car comes out, coincidentally, and sees her car in the ravine.

"What the hell happened to my car," she exclaims! "Who did this to my car?"

Esther leaps like a fucking frog onto the dry land and says, "How dare you leave your dog in the car with all your windows rolled up like that! Who the hell do you think you are!?"

Sammi and I continue to piss all over the car. My father throws his hands up in the air like he is completely fed up. He tells Sam and I to shut the fuck up. This only makes us laugh harder. He gets out of the truck and away from Sam and my hysterics.

The lady, dumbfounded by what has happened to her car, says, "What the hell are you talking about? I don't have a dog in my car! I don't even own a dog!"

Esther was not to be denied. "I saw it with my own eyes, Officer," she says to the cop. "Open the door and you will see the dog. You need to arrest this woman!"

"Arrest ME," she screeches. "Someone needs to lock YOU the fuck up! Look what you did to my car!"

"I didn't do shit to your car. I was trying to rescue your dog, you imbecile."

"For the third time, I DONT OWN A DOG. THERE IS NO DOG IN MY CAR."

One of the cops shimmies his way down the three foot slope and into the one foot of water in the ravine. He looks into the woman's window again. "There is no dog in this car," he says. "I've checked twice. We need a tow truck. Lady," he says, addressing the woman who owns the car, "Your car was in neutral."

"I want to press charges," says Esther.

"For what??" says the woman.

"For endangerment," she says. "I jumped out of my car to save the dog and she was responsible for my injuries."

"YOUR injuries?"

"YES," yells Esther. "If your car hadn't slipped down the ravine, I wouldn't have ran to save it and hurt my knee. I jumped from my car you know," she tells the officer, all proud of herself...like a bad episode of Charlie's Angels.

"Lady," says the cop, "there was no dog in the car. There was nothing for you to save. You didn't need to jump out of the car."

My father tries to pull her away and back into the car where Sam and I are dangling out of the tailgate, hysterically laughing and making sure not to miss a word of this melee.

"C'mon, Esther. Let's go," he says. He tries to pull her away.

"This is YOUR fault," she says to my father.

"MY FAULT", he says! "How is this MY fault??"

"You didn't stop the car. If you had completely stopped the car, I would have seen that there wasn't a dog in the car and none of this would have happened. Now I hurt my knee and broke a nail, goddammit."

"Okay, Esther," my father sighs. "It's my fault."

"As long as you know it," she says. "Let's go to the diner. I'm starving."

I am a democrat...

through and through. Very left wing. Live and let live, I say. Keep the government out of my bedroom and out of my life. Marry who you want to marry and that person will have the same rights as any other married couple.

I will be voting for Obama come the fall. I like his choice of Joe Biden as second in command. I feel comfortable that if and when Barack should take a bullet to his forehead (God forbid...but the potential is there for all Presidents) then Joe Biden can and will continue to run this country under the same values that I embrace.

There. I said it.

Now, what troubles me is this young chick from Alaska that McCain has taken on as his running mate. Girlfriend is 44 years old! She hasn't even hit menopause yet! And she's in charge of Alaska. Dudes, seriously, how much shit goes down in Alaska that will qualify you to be the next Chief in Command? She has been a senator for 20months, People. 20 months. I have underwear older than that!

It isn't a woman thing, I assure you. I was all set to get behind Hillary Clinton because I feel she could have made a difference in education and health care. I am pretty sure she would end the war in Iraq too. Plus she had the super studly Bill Clinton as a personal advisor. Who better to be President than the wife of a former President?

Of course, this theory of family relation does not apply to the Bush family. There have been three Bushes in political office, none of which should ever have been there. I hold great disdain for the Bush administration. Sadly, Jeb Bush is (was)the governor of the state that I live in...this armpit known as Florida.

But I digress.

Do we even know anything about Sarah Palin other than the fact that she looks like a sexy librarian? Hell, let Tina Fey run for Vice President if that is what makes a candidate worthy! Ms. Palin is already being plagued by rumors and scandal. This makes me believe the McCain didn't take a long hard look at Ms. Palin before nominating her as his running mate. Sure, she balances Obama in a lot of ways. She's young. She's fresh. Historically, she would change the white man only ways of this United States. Got it. I understand.

But, it makes me wonder how much time, effort and thought went into choosing her as a running mate. Was McCain on the bowl fantasizing with his latest Maxim magazine? Was he hoping to see how she performs...literally? Who the fuck IS she?

I am comfortable with my choice for President. I like Barack Obama despite his youth. I feel comfy with Senator Joe Biden as second in command. He is well-liked, well respected and has been around the block a time or two.

So tell me, dear readers, what is your opinion on the Republican choice for Vee Pee?