Losing friends...
I seem to be saying/doing things to lose friends lately. I recently made a blog post about my daughter becoming pregnant again and how upset I was about the situation. Apparently, I rubbed a long time reader the wrong way with my post and she decided not to read me anymore. That's sad, because I liked this person. I wrote her an email to apologize, but have never heard back from her. I suppose I must have hit a nerve somewhere in HER private life.
Recently, I was poking fun with a bunch of my guy friends on Facebook. These are guys I grew up with and have known since birth, practically. We were all talking about the celebrities who died within days of each other back in June. Kidding around, as old friends do, we started talking about which celebrity we thought would "kick the bucket" next. We were making little wagers. It was all in good albeit morbid fun.
A friend of mine who I met online 15 years ago was also on Facebook at the time. Apparently, she had just gotten some horrible news that her husband was given six months to live. Her husband had been sick for a VERY long time. Literally years. I have always followed their saga and prayed very diligently for them...her for strength and him for health. I love this girl. She means a lot to me. Anyway, she saw our little game on Facebook and became VERY angry. I don't blame her. She "de-friended" me. Hasn't answered my emails of apology.
Got me thinking. The blogger I am referring to...well, she knows my personality from reading this blog for a year or more. I am brutally honest to the point of ad nauseum. I go from the heart to the lips with very few stops in between. I say what I am feeling the moment I am feeling it. Of course, those feelings are always subject to change. For example, my daughter being pregnant with her second baby in as many years is still distressing to me. It is an enormous burden financially on this family. However, she is still my daughter and she is still having my grandchild. I love her unconditionally as I will that baby. I am entitled to have a place to come and vent my frustrations so that I don't say them to my daughter. This is my safe haven...and if you are going to be so judgmental...I suppose I don't really need you here reading my shit after all. Sorry.
Next.
About the other woman...now this one I am really distressed over. I met her online in a chatroom back in 1995 or so. We've never spoke by phone or met in person. We always had a real contemptuous relationship. I am very outgoing and say things that people don't necessarily want to hear. She is more reserved and God-fearing and has much more tact than I do. However, we managed to become friends and over the years have grown to respect one another a great deal. So, when she decided to remove me from her friends because of my "game" with my bawdy male friends...it cut me pretty deep. Of course, there is no way I could have known that she had just received such horrible news. Would I have acted any differently with my guy friends if I knew that? Probably not.
Then again, I don't know. Somewhere along the way...I seem to have grown a conscience.
She won't speak to me...so I shrugged it off knowing that I didn't do anything to intentionally hurt her. She has a lot on her plate right now. She was probably very angry at the news and I was a ripe target for her to vent on. I get that. I'm okay with that.
But then, there is another part of me that has to ask...you KNOW me, Becky. You've known me for 15 years. You know I have prayed with you and for you when it comes to your husband. You know I have always sent emails over the years trying to get updates on his health and how you are faring under all the pressure. If it was so easy to dismiss me due to one faux pas, I suppose we weren't as close as I originally thought. If you thought I was intending to hurt you, you're insane.
I am choosing to forgive myself on this one. I was beating myself up over it...but, I can't do that anymore. I can't live my life wallowing in guilt. It's a wasted emotion and one that I don't do very well.
So, this blog will continue as always...a CP safe zone where I can spew whatever bullshit is laying in my chest and burrowing into my heart. I am not going to suppress the things that I say on my blog because I may inadvertantly strike a nerve with someone. If that were the case, this blog would lay in silence. I am an equal opportunity offender...
and not for the faint hearted. Never have been. Never will be.
Recently, I was poking fun with a bunch of my guy friends on Facebook. These are guys I grew up with and have known since birth, practically. We were all talking about the celebrities who died within days of each other back in June. Kidding around, as old friends do, we started talking about which celebrity we thought would "kick the bucket" next. We were making little wagers. It was all in good albeit morbid fun.
A friend of mine who I met online 15 years ago was also on Facebook at the time. Apparently, she had just gotten some horrible news that her husband was given six months to live. Her husband had been sick for a VERY long time. Literally years. I have always followed their saga and prayed very diligently for them...her for strength and him for health. I love this girl. She means a lot to me. Anyway, she saw our little game on Facebook and became VERY angry. I don't blame her. She "de-friended" me. Hasn't answered my emails of apology.
Got me thinking. The blogger I am referring to...well, she knows my personality from reading this blog for a year or more. I am brutally honest to the point of ad nauseum. I go from the heart to the lips with very few stops in between. I say what I am feeling the moment I am feeling it. Of course, those feelings are always subject to change. For example, my daughter being pregnant with her second baby in as many years is still distressing to me. It is an enormous burden financially on this family. However, she is still my daughter and she is still having my grandchild. I love her unconditionally as I will that baby. I am entitled to have a place to come and vent my frustrations so that I don't say them to my daughter. This is my safe haven...and if you are going to be so judgmental...I suppose I don't really need you here reading my shit after all. Sorry.
Next.
About the other woman...now this one I am really distressed over. I met her online in a chatroom back in 1995 or so. We've never spoke by phone or met in person. We always had a real contemptuous relationship. I am very outgoing and say things that people don't necessarily want to hear. She is more reserved and God-fearing and has much more tact than I do. However, we managed to become friends and over the years have grown to respect one another a great deal. So, when she decided to remove me from her friends because of my "game" with my bawdy male friends...it cut me pretty deep. Of course, there is no way I could have known that she had just received such horrible news. Would I have acted any differently with my guy friends if I knew that? Probably not.
Then again, I don't know. Somewhere along the way...I seem to have grown a conscience.
She won't speak to me...so I shrugged it off knowing that I didn't do anything to intentionally hurt her. She has a lot on her plate right now. She was probably very angry at the news and I was a ripe target for her to vent on. I get that. I'm okay with that.
But then, there is another part of me that has to ask...you KNOW me, Becky. You've known me for 15 years. You know I have prayed with you and for you when it comes to your husband. You know I have always sent emails over the years trying to get updates on his health and how you are faring under all the pressure. If it was so easy to dismiss me due to one faux pas, I suppose we weren't as close as I originally thought. If you thought I was intending to hurt you, you're insane.
I am choosing to forgive myself on this one. I was beating myself up over it...but, I can't do that anymore. I can't live my life wallowing in guilt. It's a wasted emotion and one that I don't do very well.
So, this blog will continue as always...a CP safe zone where I can spew whatever bullshit is laying in my chest and burrowing into my heart. I am not going to suppress the things that I say on my blog because I may inadvertantly strike a nerve with someone. If that were the case, this blog would lay in silence. I am an equal opportunity offender...
and not for the faint hearted. Never have been. Never will be.
Labels: blogger love, deep thoughts, friends, I'm gonna be a grandma
So Sayeth CP at 7:11 PM
11 Comments:
I view it as take no prisoners. even if you said something completely offensive, or you had actually poked fun at that woman, it's still your dot com, know what I mean? It's your venting zone. I lose readers all the time, I've gotten used to it.
I agree with Jessie. I lost a couple readers, when I said I got married to my wife.
This is your space, you vent away!
Bless you for saying exactly what you mean. I'm glad you're back.
you have as much a right to be wallowing in normal as she has to be wallowing in her problems.
I see it as being allowed to drink in a bar and bumping into a recovering alcoholic "caught" with a drink. In a more exclusive setting &/or audience, you would be editing your behavior for your audience but in a public setting in a milieu of revolving mixed company, you get to be normal.
I think at some point your friend will miss you and make an overture and grant you whatever form of forgiveness she needs to. From everything I read, you are a strong enough woman to not only intuit what your "lines' will be (e.g. will she want an "i'm sorry" from you) but will be able to forgive her.
Anyone who knows you should understand your personality well enough to know that you wouldn't say something passive-aggressively.
It's your space, it's your right to free speech without worry. If some people are overly PC or sensitive, then let them stew in their own unwarranted self importance. You don't need to police yourself, ever. Hell, I would consider checking you in the padded room if you did. That is not the Cher I've known for the last...forever years.
fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
say what you will, sister, this is your space.
Gah, I suck. I got your email and saved it so I could write you back, and then promptly lost it in the madness that is my inbox. I'm still here, still reading, and still enjoying your blog. Thank you for taking the time to email me and explain your post a little further. That actually meant a lot that you did that.
Amy - I don't know what I did to touch a nerve in you...and I AM sorry for that. I can't censor myself and the way I feel. I am grateful that you are still around because you do mean a lot to me. I know that post sounded callous. Going back and reading it, it was rough...but that's just me. And, if I can't vent here...I will end up saying horrible shit to my daughter. We are really in a tough financial situation right now and she and her husband were so irresponsible with getting pregnant the first time that I couldn't believe they willingly did so again. I LOVE my kids. You know that. And, I am thankful that my daughter is happy and making her little family under my watchful eye. I would never throw my kids out of the house under any circumstance. That was the rantings of a frustrated mom (and grandmother). Whatever I said that hit you so hard...I apologize for. From Pissy's post in that same thread, I should be thankful that my daughter is able to have children at all. Her daughter has been trying to and can't get pregnant.
Can't say I won't say something offensive ever again...cause that simply wouldn't be me, ya know? But, I am glad you got the email and realized that I do value you as a person and never had any intent of hurting anyone who reads my blog.
I'm glad you're here. Now if I can patch up the other issue...
*rolls my eyes*
I have a big mouth. But, I do have a bigger heart. It's just buried somewhere under these large heaving breasts and can be hard to locate from time to time... :)
The funny thing is, I wasn't so HORRIBLY offended by what you said; I just thought it was mean. So, I told you that. I understand your frustration and that you have the right to say what you want on your blog, much as I have the same right to tell you you're being mean. And, you're right, I'd much rather you do it here than say anything to your daughter to jeopardize your relationship with her.
Okay. Friends again?
Now gimme some more pics of Carter's future wife. I mean, your granddaughter.
The first one, you were just being truthful. I don't think people can judge that unless they're in the same situation. Holy cow we raised our kids & it's not fair to have to raise someone elses, barring death or some hideous disaster.
The second one, she's obviously in a sensitive and horrible position and I just feel bad for her.
But it's common for people to make fun of celebrities, no matter what they do, even if they die. Or especially if they die while masturbating, what? I can't comment on that? People are GONNA TALK.
I don't think it's irreverance for death, just celebrity, in general.
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